Chevaugne, "Defining Art"
“Art is a very joyous obsession that has one large drawback – the frustration involved with the middle of the process when things can go either way”
For as far back as I remember, I’ve always loved to draw, to write, to create. I still do, and write and paint regularly, daily. Success and skill weren’t a concern at the time because my heart was pure. Daily living has a way of tainting that purity but I’ve been fortunate enough to have people in my life to remind me why I do what I do.
I still consider myself an amateur and as such feel both anxious and unworthy most of the time. I sometimes get so down on myself saying ‘I should be further along, I should have done more by now’, but more times than not I feel alive and feel like everything is exactly where it should be.
The entire art process is filled with headache and heartache, prepped with overwhelming thoughts of doubt and inadequacy. You see – everything starts as a dream – ideal and fluffy. But you reach the point soon after when you have to get up and make it happen. And as you take strides forward, the fluffy becomes jagged and the ideal turns into a harsh reality where, despite your most impassioned efforts, you are unable to bridge the gap between your ideas and your product. You constantly fall short on your own expectations. This is the daily war you wage when you thrust your arm into the dream world and try to rip a piece out for yourself.
I keep reminding myself that comfort does not lead to innovation, problems do and so I make conscious decisions to persevere on the creative journey. Art is not about the finished product or the brushstroke that made it a masterpiece (figuratively too) but about the constant struggle with laziness, resistance and distraction.
The most honest to God thing I’ve ever admitted to myself is that I’m very easily distracted and lazy as flux. But I manage to stay productive by simply showing up. And on some days productive is a doodle or some introspection. No masterful brushstrokes, no new and finished projects, and no desire whatsoever.
Just. Showing. Up.
- Chevaugne -